I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
that may or may not have been my penis.
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