It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
