When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
