Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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