We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize