You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
