ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
