I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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