So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont even know how to be here
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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