I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
