What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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