i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
