I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
