So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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