you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
