dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
