Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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