he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
