I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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