Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
