Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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