Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
