Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
