pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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