I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
