I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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