so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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