either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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