I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
