i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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