We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
