I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
