me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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