made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
