i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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