I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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