The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
