I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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