Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
