So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize