my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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