I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
