So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
