OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
