Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
