I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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