I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
