when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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