The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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