The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
