I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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