Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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