Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
