two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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