if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
