She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
