Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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