I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize