It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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