i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
