I think I died a long time ago.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize