toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
