I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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