I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
