I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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