So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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