Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
