I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
