from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
