My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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