So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
