Life is so much better after having sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
